You know that saying, ‘If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?’
Well, I think that goes for writing too.
So I nearly didn’t post today. Because whilst there is nothing in particular amiss, there are definitely some fraying edges and it has been harder than usual to tune into the lighter side of life.
But this evening, a calmness has descended upon me. Out of nowhere. Or possibly from tiredness. Or the macaroni cheese I’ve just devoured. It doesn’t really matter which. And here I am. Hesitant. But here nonetheless. Plus when I log on it always says, ‘Howdy, Amy Ransom.’ And there is always something really friendly about that. Friendly is good right now.
You see, there have been some anxious thoughts of late. About all sorts of things. Health. Raising kids. Relationships. Even blogging. Anxiety is very common apparently and it can creep up on us at any time and manifest physical symptoms that make us believe the anxieties are real.
Interestingly and rather timely, Grazia reported today on GAD (General Anxiety Disorder), which affects 1 in 50 people with twice as many women as men affected. Apparently, the prevailing symptoms include tiredness, irritability, mind going blank and poor sleep for a period of six months or more. Wow. It sounds remarkably like another disorder called HC (Having Children). I’ve definitely got it.
The origins are unique to each individual. Loss. Trauma. Everyday life. It occurred to me today that my particular anxieties might have come from seeds. Seeds that have been sown by others, not me. Like a throwaway comment that someone makes, innocently or not, which I should have thrown away rather than letting it take root. Because they are seeds that grow bad lettuces when I’d wanted to grow lovely, orange carrots.
I’m hoping that this discovery gives me back a little control. So that next time a seed is sown, I decide whether to plant and water it. Or instead leave it for the birds.
Then perhaps the calmness will stay, the lightness will return and I can once again write about stuff like why I don’t have a bathroom bin.
You know, the really serious stuff.
Footnote: for anyone else who is experiencing anxiety, you might like to check out this website for a really insightful approach to managing it http://www.anxietyhappens.com/