The New Mum F*cket List

Whenever I speak to new mums a few weeks in, all of whom have teeny, tiny babies, they’re often feeling their babies aren’t so new anymore and that they should be getting on with stuff. Even though they’ve got a baby stuck to them and they’re totally sleep deprived. So I’ve written The New Mum F*cket List. A list of things you do NOT need to do whilst nurturing a small person. Stick it on the fridge and remind yourself every day that you are already doing more than ENOUGH.

(This post is from The New Mum’s Notebook, the 304 page sanity saving journal to support and nurture a new mum through her first year of motherhood in HOWEVER she chooses to raise her baby. 40% off whilst stocks last. Enter BOUNTYNEWMUM at checkout).

You do NOT need to:

  1. Feel guilty about anything. So what if you’ve been in your PJs for two days straight. So what if your older child is watching Netflix or the iPad all day. So what if no one’s eaten anything more nutritious than a handful of raisins they found on the floor. The first three months (at least) are about SURVIVAL. Your survival and theirs. You do whatever you need to do to get through the day. Because when you have a small baby in tow, getting through the day is totally enough.
  2. Function. In any way, shape or form. You do not need to be firing on all cylinders. You have nothing to prove. To yourself or the outside world. With baby number one, I remember going for a long walk three days after giving birth and feeling on top of the world, like I’d conquered it. ‘A baby won’t stop me!‘ I thought. On the way back, my stitches started to pull, I could barely get back up the hill and I felt like a bit of an idiot. The sofa is your best friend at the moment.
  3. Organise stuff. A new mum, who’s probably had less than 10 hours sleep in a week, recently said to me she needed to sort her maternity clothes out. I can see how when you’re sitting around the house all day, this stuff preoccupies you. I remember it well. Noticing the chipped paint. The mess that seemed to occupy every dusty corner. The piles of crap I just never found a moment to sort. But now is NOT the time. And to make you feel tons better, almost two years on, my maternity clothes are still sitting in a box underneath the attic waiting to be sold/donated/stored in the attic for the rest of time. At least I practice what I preach, right?
  4. Do chores. This goes hand in hand with number two. No one cares how messy your house is. If you haven’t bleached your toilet for a week. If the washing up is still sitting on the side. YOU HAVE A SMALL BABY. The rest of the world can see this but when you’re in a sleep-deprived fog, it’s hard for you to see it yourself. You feel that it’s a sign you’re not coping. That you’re not capable. It’s not important, trust me. Get someone to help you with the chores. Hire a cleaner for the next couple of months if you’re really that bothered. But let it go. You and your baby. That’s what we care about.
  5. Justify yourself. You are the most important person in the world right now. And anyone who doesn’t get that by putting unfair expectations on you or pushing their own agendas can do one. You do what works for you and your family and you don’t justify yourself to anyone. Got it?
  6. Question yourself. None of us know what we’re doing with a new baby. I’ve had three of the joyful little bundles and each one has made me doubt myself. Don’t worry about routines or feeding patterns or why your baby suddenly wants to eat ALL of the time. Remember that glorious fourth trimester and just go with it for the first few months. You’ll find it much easier to enjoy (tolerate) if you’re not driving yourself mad with questions that are mostly impossible to answer.
  7. Diet. I really hope this one is obvious but in case you’re thinking about losing weight, don’t. When you’ve had two hours sleep, cake is all you’ve got. The weight will come off gradually. Don’t make yourself miserable going without the things you fancy. You’ve just done nine months of that, right?
  8. Go it alone. Being a new mum can be lonely, no matter what round you’re on. We haven’t forgotten you, I promise. If we haven’t checked in recently though and you’re suddenly feeling overwhelmed, lonely or in need of some help, please ask. We’ll be there in a heartbeat to do whatever we can do to get you through these early months. We know what it’s like and we’re right behind you.

Keep going, you’re doing brilliantly.

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Extract from The New Mum’s Notebook, available to buy online now. Priced £25 (including P&P). 40% off whilst stocks last. Enter BOUNTYNEWMUM at checkout. A 304 page journal to support a new mum in those tricky first 12 months of motherhood. New mum, treat yourself. It’s also a special gift for expectant mothers and new mums.

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    25 thoughts on “The New Mum F*cket List

    1. Kayleigh

      6 weeks in with baby number 1! After an emergency c-section, being put asleep & suffering anxiety, this helped! I am far to hard on myself but when i look at him nothing else matters 🙂

      Reply
    2. Vicky

      I wish I’d read this 7 years ago when I baby number 1. It’s taken 7 years and 2 additional kids to learn to let stuff go. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves, none of that s***matters. What matters is how you spend your days with your babies, enjoying them before they answer you back!

      Reply
    3. Viv Charman

      I remember with my first (28 years ago now – and I survived!) when I could have easily cried with tiredness, struggling with feeding, still having pain from extensive internal stitches, and an old lady peered in the pram and said “Aahh make the most of this time, it goes so quickly!”
      Well I could have happily punched her in the face as every day seemed like a week and then I still got hardly any sleep at the end of it! But with hindsight – she was right! Forget the small, unimportant stuff and enjoy your dear little baby who is the greatest achievement of your life! Be extremely proud of yourself, you WILL get through this xx

      Reply
      1. Amy RansomAmy Ransom Post author

        What a lovely message! But she was right. And you are too. It’s sooooooo hard when you’re in those excruciating, sleep-deprived, challenged moments but I get it, I really do! x

        Reply
    4. Rachael

      Thank you so much! Just discovered your blog and this article has turned a teary and exhausted mum with a two week old into feeling human again. I have resolved to not feel guilty that my two year old has spent the last two weeks since baby arrived glued to the iPad and surviving pretty much solely on tea cakes and the odd sausage….

      Reply
      1. Amy RansomAmy Ransom Post author

        Oh I’m so glad! Please don’t feel guilty. It’s about survival and that is all. It won’t always be like this, but so easy to forget that when you’re tired and challenged. Keep going x

        Reply
    5. Motty

      I wish I’d had this when I was a new mum. My mum went overseas for 2 months my partner worked long night shifts and I was a wreck. My advice is get dry shampoo and don’t try to help anyone with their ‘s@#t’. Your baby and sanity are more important!!! Oh yeah bananas, flapjack and oj can be a nutritional lunch…

      Reply
    6. Clare

      Thank you for this! Just what I needed. 3 weeks in with baby #2 and I’m tired, hurting all over (still!), guilty for my first child, lonely, scared I might break the baby, feeling like I should be dieting whilst feeling like I should be super mum!! just needed a reminder that I can’t do it all and I shouldn’t expect it of myself.
      Keep going mummy’s you’re doing a fab job x

      Reply
    7. Clare

      Thank you for this! Just what I needed. 3 weeks in with baby #2 and I’m tired, hurting all over (still!), guilty for my first child, lonely, covered in shite and sick, scared I might break the baby, feeling like I should be dieting whilst feeling like I should be super mum!! just needed a reminder that I can’t do it all and I shouldn’t expect it of myself.
      Keep going mummy’s you’re doing a fab job x

      Reply
    8. Johanna

      oh dear…..this has brought tears to my eyes…..:-/ after I had my first & only baby 10 years ago I felt all these feelings…….it makes me also feel sad a lot of pressure was from my husband plus expectations of myself. What I felt I should achieve in a day…..I’d feel upset if I wanted to go out n meet someone to always be late. (cause things always seem to happen last minute) …..baby decides to poo said outfit, is all of a sudden hungry. (I fed more or less on demand….was told to write a pattern to my day n baby sleeps w helped a little)…….So thanks so for your points……all so so true!

      Reply
    9. Jolene

      Can I still use these if I have an 18 month old and a 7 year old or should I really have pulled myself together by now!? ?

      Reply
    10. Suzy MacMaster

      Just over 3 weeks with baby number 3. Been a big gap since the other two, 12 and 14. Guidelines have changed on so many things, but funny how the old ways didn’t maim or kill the other two lol

      Reply
    11. Rachel Burn

      Yes yes yes!! (Commenting whilst sat on the sofa watching rubbish daytime tv while my gorgeous 4 month little girl is asleep on me)

      Reply
    12. Kimmy

      Just found this site after feeding my baby at night . So pleased I found it . My third baby and feeling a little lonely and cut off from people . You have made me see what I need to do . Thanks

      Reply
    13. Elaine Fraser

      Some excellent words of wisdom here! The first few months of my son’s life were the toughest months of my life. My dad had died a few weeks before my son was born, I was anaemic, I was breastfeeding a very hungry baby who needed lots of cuddles and cried whenever I put him down so I carried him around all the time for 3 months, and my family were 200 miles away. I felt like a failure a lot of the time. When I look back now I wish I’d been kinder to myself.

      Reply

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