So. Apparently, I am ‘nesting.’ Ugh, I hate that word. But the question is this. Can you pass off a high gloss kitchen as nesting? Am I not supposed to be foraging for sticks and stuff?
The other day I cleaned out that unintentional storage place. Under The Bed. For the first time since we moved in. Seven years ago.
Seven years, which have seen an accumulation of crumpled photos, seven years of diaries, ten outdoor furniture cushions that someone (not me) had inappropriately hidden there, a baseball bat and a mirror. And a lot of dust.
I threw most of it away.
Then I hit the kitchen cupboards.
Before ordering some carpet.
Whilst, thinking about a new bathroom.
The thing is, even I’m not convinced that I can pass off the last three as ‘nesting.’
When animals nest in the natural world they do it simply, don’t they? Essentially. Take birds, for example. They get some sticks, grass, a bit of moss and bind it together with mud. A functional, safe, warm nest for their new offspring.
They don’t create moodboards on Pinterest. Last time I looked.
And so it is slightly more difficult to justify to a) your husband and b) your bank manager why your imminent arrival needs a waterfall showerhead, high gloss kitchen cupboards and a walk in larder in order to survive its early months outside the womb.
I said, ‘slightly more difficult.’ I’m still going to try.
Dear Husband/Bank Manager,
I am writing to discuss my ‘nesting’ needs with you.
Experience tells me that there is nothing quite like a long stretch of maternity leave, where you spend more time at home than ever before, to highlight every irritating thing about your house. Perhaps a spell under house arrest, although I think you’ll find these are much the same thing.
You see, in those early months when I’ll spend close to five hours a day sitting and feeding OUR baby, there will be plenty of opportunity to stare at the walls. When I’m not staring lovingly at OUR baby, of course.
By the end of maternity leave I will be able to draw a crime scene sketch of every bump, crack and stain on every wall and surface. From memory. Probably whilst holding a gun to your head.
I’m sure you’ll agree that a new mum doesn’t need any more, unnecessary irritation when she’s just had a baby. Leaking body parts. Torture by sleep deprivation. Being taken hostage by your hormones. I paint quite a picture, don’t I?
Call me superficial (if you really want to aggravate a pregnant woman), but if something as simple as a waterfall showerhead can go some way to making all this sacrifice just a little more bearable, that’s money well spent isn’t it.
And whilst you’re at it, you may as well throw in the cupboards and larder too. Kill two (un-nesting) birds with one stone and all that.
After all, what is it they say? Happy wife. Happy life.
Here’s betting I end up with some sticks, grass and a bit of old moss.