Bless me, Blog, for I have sinned…

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…it is 10 days since my last blog.

My mum has noticed. Only because her emails have decreased by about 50%.

If I were a tortoise or a bear this would not be an issue. Because as the weather turns properly cold and the gloves and hats come out, we would all be getting into that lovely state the natural world calls hibernation. This is what I want to do. Instead we are ramping up our activities, socially booking ourselves silly and saying the C word at least once a day.

Christmas.

If it’s not bad enough we’re ignoring our own instincts to wind down, we’re trying to influence the animal kingdom too. Take the John Lewis Christmas advert. I know you’ve seen it. There is absolutely no way that bear would give up three months of sleep. And for a present that tiny. He would be much more likely to gobble up the hare before having a lovely, long lie down. Now, THAT is an advert I would like to see.

No, I am not partaking in the craziness. And it has been nice to slow down a little bit. Because Christmas will come whether I race around like a fool or not. And it will not be any better because I have raced around.

Nor will it be any more meaningful because I’ve spent a fortune. So I will not feel the pressure (ahem John Lewis) to get my kids a million presents that, quite frankly, they do not need. Beaver’s favourite present last year was a tube of pink smarties. I simply do not need to worry about this stuff. Although I am slightly concerned that she’s asked for a watermelon. Can you even get them at this time of year?

Yes, this is my attempt at hibernation. Because I’m pretty certain I will not get away with punching air holes in a box, filling it with straw and climbing in. So instead I will be chilling out and watching a few Channel 5 movies.

If you’ve never watched a Channel 5 movie, can I just say that you are missing out. They numb the brain in a good ‘I’ve given up thinking’ way. Much in the way a hangover does, just without the nausea and shakes.

Take the recently watched A Decent Proposal, for example (not to be confused with the more famous film of a similar name). Pregnant lady’s boyfriend dies. She gets over it in about 20 minutes, meets new man and waddles. A lot. Then dead boyfriend returns. Following me, so far…?

And if my hibernation goes to plan, come March, I shall rise all spring-like. Invigorated and rested. With dewy skin and a vision for the rest of the year. Instead of feeling a bit groggy and grumpy, like I usually do.

These tortoises and bears just might be onto something.

Happy hibernation everyone.  See you in the spring.

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    3 thoughts on “Bless me, Blog, for I have sinned…

    1. Clare Duguid

      Good for you. Listen to nature, apart from that hare. He’s a bit too eager for everyone to ‘join in and have fun’. I’ll be hibernating right through New Years Eve too!

      I have to ask, what happened in the end? Did waddling pregnant lady go for ‘dead’ boyfriend or sympathy shoulder boyfriend?

    2. suzanne3childrenandit

      Well I for one had missed you and your witticisms! Please don’t tell me you’re really going to hibernate from your blog – you’re not are you?! PS I much prefer your version of the bear and the hare, I just don’t ‘get’ why everyone raves about the John Lewis ad, as you say, no bear would get up for that measly gift!

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