Does your loft look like this?

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Right.  If nothing else, this post is proof that I really will blog about ANYTHING.

I have just been in The Loft.  Unfortunately, not some cool bar with martini cocktails.  No.  The space in my roof.  The space that I frequent so rarely, I now wonder why I bothered going in there at all.  Because it has left me feeling rather anxious.

Daddy Pig is in charge of the loft.  Accessing.  Storing.  Organising.  Can you see where this is going…?

‘You do put things in ‘areas’, don’t you?’  I’ve asked Daddy Pig before when he’s trekked up there with some piece of baby paraphernalia that is no longer needed.

He’s always assured me that things are in their rightful places.

Well, I think Daddy Pig and I may need to have a conversation about the meaning of rightful.

Because there is absolutely no organisation whatsoever.  Not a bit.  There are no ‘areas.’  Just one big explosion of crap.

The Maxi Cosi carseat is having intercourse with the Jumperoo.  A suitcase is balancing precariously by the hatch whilst the other holdalls have been discarded mercilessly on the dusty floor.  Why are they not all hanging out together?  There is a role of carpet with a stroller on top of it.  Bags of baby clothes EVERYWHERE.  And don’t even get me started on the box of all Beaver’s precious first memories, that I’ve just found stashed in a box full of moth-eaten dressing up clothes and tacky party decorations I hadn’t even remembered we had.

This is the stuff of nightmares.  The thing that will keep me awake at night.  It’s like a horror film you wish you hadn’t watched.  Flowers in the Attic?  Try Crap in the Attic.  Once you’ve seen it, you can’t erase the images from your mind.

I grew up in a house of ‘Tidy Tillies.’  This was what my mum would say when we got in from school and she’d hoovered.  She made it sound so fun but all it really meant was, ‘Take your shoes off and don’t you dare eat a biscuit on the sofa.’

So some of it has rubbed off.  But actually I’m not neurotic when it comes to tidiness.  Beaver and Godivy eat biscuits on the sofa and sometimes we even have croissants in bed.  Wild, eh?

But excess mess.  Clutter.  The stuff you don’t need.  The pointless stuff you don’t even remember you’ve got?  The stuff that is important, but you’ll never ever find again because it’s hidden behind all the clutter?  Now, this bothers me.

So before I confront Daddy Pig, my question is this.  Do everyone’s lofts look like this?  Like someone opened the hatch and just lobbed the whole lot in?  Or are you all secretly and smugly organised with lovely, designated ‘areas?’

And if you are, before we never speak again, can you tell me where to begin.

Anyone?

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    Jennifer Beachey says:

    Oh Amy you definitely had your glasses off when writing this very very funny! It did make me feel a tad uncomfortable though. It’s not your fault you have a crap filled loft. I’m sorry to say moving house doesn’t help either . We went to the extreme and moved countries and it still followed us. I have to tell you that the guys who packed us packed EVERYTHING including a binliner of actual rubbish that I had attempted to be ruthless and chuck out! So disappointing . I think Anna’s comment of being ruthless is the only way. Our copulating crap has bred to such a state a 4 car shed/garage is still bursting at the seems. You can have my autographed Wet Wet Wet picture to take home when you visit us. Daddy pig will be thrilled. Xx

    Amy Ransom Amy Ransom says:

    I told JB I want that Wet Wet Wet picture. Also your tape recorder. WHY are you keeping a tape recorder??!! x

    Sorry Amy but I can’t actually answer the question….I haven’t frequented my loft for the last 7 years! The reason being that I discovered a wasp nest up there and although we got some ‘men in’ to extinguish it, they wouldn’t actually remove the carcass – it freaks me out! I know for a fact though that ours is an absolute tip, I’m constantly sending the OH up with yet more crap that ‘I might want one day’!

    Amy Ransom Amy Ransom says:

    That sounds like a sensible plan. It’s like that philosophy question about the chair isn’t it? ‘If I don’t see the mess, is it really there?’ Thank you Suzanne for the tip.

    Liz Taylor says:

    Move house! Our old loft looked like that until we moved then I’m pleased to say when starting from scratch husband did create designated areas and I labeled bags and boxes as they went up there. Now when I ask for something to be bought down and tell him ‘it’s in a bin bag’ he stands a slightly better chance of finding it. Our shed however is a whole different story…and our garage. Oh dear. Thinking about it we may just have moved the problem elsewhere. Let us know when you come up with an answer!
    X

    Amy Ransom Amy Ransom says:

    When you come and visit, would Kris mind designating some areas in ours? He sounds very experienced… someone else has suggested a very good answer. Don’t go up there. ‘I cannot see the mess. Therefore it is not there.’ Sounds like a plan, eh?

    Anna says:

    When you have time (ha ha ha) take everything out that you don’t need anymore and get rid of it ASAP so it’s not cluttering up your downstairs.
    Then you can begin doing areas. I did it in a solid 3 hours. Be ruthless and good luck x

    Amy Ransom Amy Ransom says:

    Anna, you are a girl with PLANS. Thanks to you I’ve sorted my wardrobe. And now I just need to take your advice on the loft. Watch this space for a doorstep sale soon… x