It is 7.23 AM and I have already been up for one hour and eight minutes.
On a flipping Saturday.
Pre 7.00 AM starts are strictly not allowed in our house. Yet they seem to be happening regardless of what I want. And despite the fact that no one in their right mind would ever want to encounter me whilst there is still a 6 on the clock.
I blame CBeebies. They blatantly encourage kids to get up early with their stupidly jolly, ‘See you at 6.00 AM’ campaign. CBeebies, how about you try ‘See you at 8.00 AM,’ and watch how much happier a place the world becomes.
So here I am. One hour and 10 minutes into the day. Wishing it was over already so I can go back to bed.
Then I think, I’ll use these early starts to get ahead of the day. Just imagine all the things I’ll achieve! I have been given the gift of time (and that’s my optimism all used up for today).
So I’ve made a list. Here’s 10 things you can do when your kids get up early:
- Cry. It’s ok to mourn the lie-in you will never have again. Every day
- Calculate your kids’ value on eBay. Do NOT mention ‘early risers’
- Curse all the neighbours whose houses are still in complete darkness
- Regret having watched ‘just one more’ episode of Breaking Bad the night before
- Check Facebook and Twitter and connect with other insomniac parents
- Draw up rules, reward charts and incentive schemes to keep kids in bed until 7.00 AM (these will be abandoned by Sunday morning when they will fail miserably and you’ll start the whole, sorry process again)
- Eat breakfast. Even though this means you will be serving lunch at 10.30 AM
- Draft an email to Gro-Clock telling them their clock is crap. Your child worked out how to ‘bring the sun up’ on day two. The sun now appears randomly at 4.00 AM, 5.00 AM and 6.00 AM
- Imagine all the things you could achieve. If you weren’t so damn tired
- Nod off. And repeat. For the rest of the day
See you tomorrow at 6.00 AM, folks!
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