When you’re a parent, lying is par for the course. It’s essential actually. If you stand any chance of survival. Here are 10 lies I tell my kids. Sorry, ‘fibs’…
- ‘Oh no. There’s none left.’ I use this whenever they ask for anything that I do not want to give them. Which is pretty much everything.
- ‘If you don’t do that immediately, I’m calling your headteacher.’ Even if I had Mrs T’s telephone number, I’m hardly about to call her and highlight what an ineffectual mother I actually am.
- ‘If you keep picking your toenails, your toes will turn black and fall off.’ This might in fact be true, I have no idea. But given the non-effect it has on my kids, I would say not.
- ‘Nope. It doesn’t work. We’ll have to get Daddy to fix it.’ I say this about anything that requires batteries. Because battery operated toys are the spawn of the devil.
- ‘If you eat any more sweets all your teeth will fall out and no one will want to marry you.’ I don’t actually consider this a lie because I think most people like their other half to have at least one or two teeth.
- ‘I promise we’ll do that tomorrow.’ Said with absolutely no intention whatsoever.
- ‘Here’s a pound.’ Handing over a 10p piece.
- ‘Your favourite nightie/jumper/dress is in the wash. You can have it tomorrow.’ It’s actually nowhere near the wash. It’s at the bottom of a pile so high you’ll be lucky if you see it before Christmas.
- ‘I did NOT put your drawings in the recycling bin. I have absolutely no idea how they got there.’ Said with best poker face, whilst motioning towards Daddy…
- ‘Come on. It’s way past your bedtime. It’s almost 8.00 PM!’ Dreading the moment they can tell the time and realise it’s still only 6.30 PM.
WHAT’S YOUR BEST LIE?