Is my baby, erm, thick?

At one point or another it is perfectly reasonable to wonder, ‘Is my baby, erm, thick?’ Worry not. Because babies reach milestones at different times. Some sit at four months. Others get teeth at two months. And there are some amazing babies who are born doing EVERYTHING (if you believe their mums).

My favourite things.

The Boy with No Name is eight and a half months. Here is a list of things he can do:

1. Eat

2. Eat

3. Screech. Loudly. Because he wants to eat. Or he has just seen the cat

(Which he probably wants to eat.)

‘The trials of life.’

The eating is sort of getting in the way of the other stuff.

Because when you have a massive muffin top, it’s hard to sit up without wobbling over. ‘Weebles wobble but they don’t fall over?’ WRONG.

And, as for crawling? Well, even if you can get over onto your front… once you’re there you’re sort of marooned.

We’ve all seen a seal move.

Not exactly agile.

Superman, eat your heart out.

And in case you’re wondering, he doesn’t even have any teeth. Not so much as a calcium deposit.

His mates are all showing off their beautiful nashers. And he’s sitting there like an old man of 95. Toothless, in a pool of drool.

And because we don’t really do puree (his mum is lazy and he has two sisters who have probably been feeding him chocolate since week one so, frankly, what’s the point?), we have come to the conclusion that he just inhales food.

THIS is his superpower. (Every baby has one, you know, it’s just a case of finding it.)

‘What can he do?’

So when people ask, ‘Is he crawling yet? Can he juggle?’ I say proudly, ‘No, but he can inhale food like it’s oxygen.’ WOW.

‘Yes, he’s big isn’t it? What does he weigh?’

‘Nine pounds,’ I say.

Which he was. The time I last took him. Ahem.

n? huìbúhuì ji?ng guóy?/huáy?/p?t?nghuà? (do you speak Mandarin?)

Am I worried that he is, erm, a bit thick?

Nah. He can speak 20 words and is already fluent in Mandarin.

I’m kidding. About the 20 words, that is.

And his Mandarin is average, at best.

‘In their own time.’

So if your baby isn’t quite doing what you thought he or she would be by now (or what the books say), I’m here to reassure you. They will, in their own time.

I can say this quite confidently, because I have two others (Exhibit A and Exhibit B) who can sit up, roll over AND juggle (sort of. Not at all). They also did it slowly and in their own time.

Neither of them walked until they were 15 months. BUT they could both devour buffets at seven. Beaver’s personal best is eight finger sandwiches in under a minute. Just in case you’re interested.

So relax, don’t compare and focus on what your baby can do, not what they can’t. This is a habit that will serve you well for everything your kid(s) do in life.

‘In their own time.’

(This applies to everything except dinnertime, putting on shoes and getting out of the door in the morning. Then it’s very much ‘In MY time.’)

What’s your baby’s superpower? Tell me below then head on over to Surviving Life and Motherhood for a full finger buffet and juggling lessons…

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