The end of term breakdown

Ask any parent and they will probably agree that the end of the Christmas term is the most fraught of the entire school/nursery year. Nativities. Parties. Christingle. Dressing up days. It’s no wonder that by the time school breaks up, parents are ready to break down.

Hands up if you’re exhausted.

*Puts hand up*

Hands up if your kids are beside themselves with exhaustion too. If you’re having to drag them out of bed in the morning. (Oh the irony.)

On top of the usual daily stuff to forget like homework, after school snacks and recorders, there has been a whole heap of extra stuff to forget. This is just a brief list of the things I have forgotten/failed at over the past week (funnily enough I have pretty much excelled at number 7 and 8).

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1. Nativity costume. I didn’t even have to make this. No. All I had to do was provide some white leggings and a white top. That was it. But we didn’t have any because, erm, no self respecting mother (by which I mean mothers who are crap at washing) has a stock pile of white leggings just hanging around indoors. So I sent in the next best thing. Some white thermal leggingy things and a thermal vest. Unfortunately the leggingy things did little to protect Beaver’s modesty and the teacher suggested I may like to substitute with something else. So I dug out a summer broderie anglaise skirt and convinced myself that the Star of Bethlehem definitely wore skirts.

2. Teacher’s collection. I wasn’t organising this. I just had to give some money and get Beaver to sign some labels. This took the poor sods coordinating it about five weeks. Basically they gave us lots of advance warning and then we all panicked on the last day and ran around like headless chickens trying to find the labels and our reps to hand the dosh over. Standard, right? Why does it seem to be so blooming hard to get to an ATM?

3. Find Santa. Playgroup Christmas party. 45 toddlers. NO SANTA (because he’d double booked). So, who wants to explain to a room of 45 irrational, tantruming toddlers that, ‘Sorry, Santa won’t be coming this year.’ Anyone? No, me neither. So we asked everyone we could think of before putting a desperate plea out on Facebook. After A LOT of empty gestures, we found our man. Actually, he was about 20. A slim red head. With an American accent. But so flipping what?

4. Find his beard. We had a VERY basic Santa suit. But no beard. So one of the girls made one but we forgot the double sided ‘tit tape’ so we had to stick it on with sellotape instead. ‘Mummy, why does Santa have sellotape on his beard?‘ asked one little boy. Moving swiftly on…

5. Bake biscuits. For the playgroup Christmas party. FAIL. I didn’t do it. Because I ran out of time obsessing about the beard (and may have also had a slight hangover).

6. Make sandwiches. Right now, I am supposed to be making ham sandwiches for 18 kids at today’s nursery party. But I’ve just realised I don’t have any ham and we’re almost out of bread. So that’s not looking too promising either. Argghhh and I’ve also just remembered it’s Christmas jumper day at school. FFS.

7. Drink gin. TICK. Why can’t school and nursery just ask us to do this? Because THIS, we can do. Well.

8. Have breakdown. There hasn’t really been time for a full on major breakdown. But it’s coming and I’m looking forward to fully committing to it at 1.15 PM today when school breaks up for three weeks. See you in rehab!

Is it just me who’s the most disorganised mum in the world? Who finds the most basic of tasks impossible to remember and execute? Leave a comment. And come and like SLAM over on Facebook.

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    6 thoughts on “The end of term breakdown

    1. Sarah MumofThree World

      Aaagh! Totally feeling your pain. This time of the year is the WORST. I have three kids at three different schools, plus my daughter is in a professional panto. My head feels like it’s going to explode with all the things I’m trying to remember.

    2. Stephanie Thurston

      Dear Amy

      Thank you so much for this hilarious article. I honestly thought I was a lone crap mum in a sea of perfection. I missed my youngest’s first day back at school after the summer and, instead of wallowing in embarrassment, told everyone (except the in laws) my funny tale.

      Thank you – and yes I’d like a Rolex for Christmas too.


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