‘Just get bloody dressed!’

Getting young kids dressed for school. Ugh. Just UGH.

Every morning is the same.

I lay out school clothes. In the order they need to go on. So no one can play the fool and put on their pants over their tights. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (I’m crying inside).

It’s like we are getting dressed for the very first time. Every sodding morning.

As I explain what tights are. Again. And where they go. Again. ‘No. NOT on your head.’

Hilarious!

Did I mention I’m crying inside?

It actually goes something like this.

Me: Please get dressed.

Beaver: (stares at Netflix.)

Me: Hello? Person here. Using words.

Beaver: (stares at Netflix.)

Me: I’ll turn off Netflix if you don’t listen to me and get dressed.

Beaver: I’m getting dressed, OK? (Glances at pile of school clothes. Stares at Netflix.)

Me: Right. That’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m banning Netflix in the mornings. (I’m obviously never going to do this. Netflix is the only reason I manage a shower some days and the baby ever gets fed.)

Beaver: I said I’m getting dressed. (Picks up knickers. Is not getting dressed. Stares at Netflix.)

Me: JUST GET BLOODY DRESSED!

Beaver: You said that word. That we’re not supposed to use.

Me: Shit, did I? (SHIT!)

Beaver: Oh, Mummy. (Pitying ‘Mummy’s losing it again,’ look. Stares at Netflix.)

Me: I give up. Wear your pyjamas to school. I actually don’t care.

Beaver: Cool.

Agrrrhhhhh!

Oh f*@* another fancy dress day.

Sometimes school likes to throw a curveball. Like a dressing up day.

These are great fun. Not just for the kids. But for the parents too. Who have to scrabble around looking for something a pirate might wear at 8.12 AM because instead of getting this ready THE NIGHT BEFORE, they went out and drank Prosecco.

Me: what do Pirates wear?

Beaver: (Shrugs shoulders). I don’t know. (Stares at Netflix.)

Me: (googles ‘Pirates.’ Looks at pictures of Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. He’s hot. Momentarily forgets why I am actually doing this.)

5 minutes later.

Beaver: WHAT are these?

Me: Pirate leggings.

Beaver: NO THEY’RE NOT! They’re my old black leggings with bits cut out of the bottom.

Me: Yes. Like I said. Pirate leggings. Now put this bandana on and you’re a pirate!

Beaver: I look rubbish.

Me: You look great!

She does in fact look rubbish. More like a washerwoman.

Why is that?

Revenge is sweet.

The only thing more painful than a dressing up day is own clothes day.

Letting a child choose their own clothes to wear to school is a) another morning drama you just don’t need b) excruciating to witness and c) stupid. Beaver usually goes off looking like an extra from Oliver or a lady of the night.

No. Own clothes days are not goodwill efforts to ‘raise money for charity.’ They are teacher payback for all the times you’ve been late, not sent in the reading folder and your child’s done a poo in their pants.

In summary.

Getting kids dressed sucks.

Do you feel like you’re losing half your life getting your kids dressed? Tell me, please. Then head on over to Surviving Life and Motherhood. Where I share my fabulous fancy dress patterns. Ahem.

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