One of my favourite things about this year’s holiday has been the amount of time I’ve spent in the toilet. Not me personally. But accompanying Beaver who suddenly wants to go 25 times a day.
The girl doesn’t anticipate the need to go, of course she doesn’t. She waits until she’s jiggling. I ask her if she needs a wee. She says no. I doubt her but trust her anyway mainly because I am fed up of going to the toilet.
About 30 seconds later when I am settled on a sun lounger. Or about to savour my one glass of Prosecco for the week. Or about to tuck into my dinner. She announces, ‘I need a wee.’ Accompanied by a smirk and intense jiggling which signals we have about 15 seconds to find a toilet until an accident is imminent. We missed seeing the baby pilot whale on the boat trip we took. Because we were piloting the toilets instead.
The other thing that I have enjoyed has been the amount of bickering between Beaver and Godivy. Something that didn’t happen on holiday last year. Mainly because Godivy could not talk. Godivy’s word of the moment is ‘mine.’ She uses it for things that are hers. And everything else that isn’t. This does not go down well with Beaver who also thinks that everything is ‘mine.’ The Battle of Ownership starts shortly after we all open our eyes and finishes about 15 hours later, when we are closing them.
Between the weeing and the bickering, I have been in a kid-induced state of red alert for most of the holiday. I have pretended to be invisible. I have moved sun loungers. I have hidden in the toilet on the comparatively rare occasions when I’ve needed it myself. But no matter where I go, they always find me.
I now understand why there are so many young families holidaying with grandparents. Back-up. So you don’t spend 10 of your 14 days in the toilet.
But all is not lost. There is always next year. When there will be three children to look after. Two of whom will need the toilet. We had better book three weeks just to allow for ‘toilet time.’ Although after this, I might leave potty training Godivy until she’s 10.
Still, at least the baby won’t be able to talk yet.
And I will be able to drink.
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