How to tell your kids about the birds and the bees?

THE QUESTION EVERY PARENT LOOKS FORWARD TO.  SO WHAT DO YOU DO?  A) TELL THE TRUTH B) MAKE UP A FANTASTIC STORY OR C) AVOID THE QUESTION ALTOGETHER?

Recently, Beaver, our 4 year old, has become interested in how we all fit together as a family.  Then, this morning, after our most recent genealogy conversation, she asked me how Grandma and Grandpa made her.  Clearly I’ve covered the basics well.

‘They didn’t make you,’ I said.  ‘Me and Daddy made you.’

‘Well, HOW did you make me then?’ she asked.

Good question.  I know, obviously.  I’m just pretty certain I don’t want her to know.  Yet.  So, what to say?  I’ve been burned before.  The last time I got asked a difficult question.

‘What is semen, Mummy?’

Beaver’s curiosity was totally my fault for allowing her to stay up late one night and catch part of a movie she shouldn’t have.  No, it wasn’t a porno movie.  Just a very innocent rom-com.  I ended up telling her it was a kind of juice.  Disastrous I know.  But, so far, she hasn’t wandered into a café and asked for a ‘glass of semen.’  So no real damage done.

I’m ashamed to say that this morning I took option c) and avoided the question altogether.  Partly because we were on the way to school and I need more than 30 seconds to come up with a better response than, ‘Erm.  You drink a glass of semen.  And nine months later you have a baby,’ which is probably what I would have said.  In the moment.

She knows how babies come out.  Strangely, I’ve been completely honest about this.  Just not how they get there in the first place.  And this is the part I need help with.

So, those of you who’ve been there, what did you say?  Did you dress it up (enter The Stork, stage left) or just tell the truth?  And if you told the truth, how much do they really need to know at this age?  If you’re not quite there yet, what are you planning on saying?

‘Absolutely nothing,’ you say.  I can avoid the subject altogether?  Wonderful…

PLEASE SHARE, LEAVE A COMMENT AND HELP ALL OF US STRUGGLING IN THIS AREA…

Surviving Motherhood Tip#16 – how NOT to tell your kids about the birds and bees

  1. Don’t let them stay up late, hoping they’ll learn everything there is to know from Eastenders or worse, Skins.
  2. Don’t look shifty and squirm around.  It’s always easy to detect a lie this way
  3. Beware that anything you do tell them will get passed on.  To the supermarket cashier.  The postman.  The vicar.
  4. Never refer to semen as a juice.  ‘Have you got any semen?’ apparently doesn’t go down well on playdates when offered a drink.

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    13 thoughts on “How to tell your kids about the birds and the bees?

    1. Carrie - Time to be an Adult

      I remember my ex-partner’s 5 year old daughter asking what sex was and I replied that it was a special type of cuddling that only grown ups did when they really loved each other. All questions answered well I thought until we were at the zoo and saw lions getting amorous with each other. “What are the lions doing?” “Well, they’re having a special cuddle”. Then at the top of her surprisingly loud voice…”When you and Daddy do special sex cuddling, do you roar like a lion too?” Never again did I attempt anymore biology lessons!!

      Reply
    2. Caroline (Becoming a SAHM)

      Lol, this is brilliant. Semen is a kind of juice?? hahaha Very funny! We are nowhere near that question yet but in theory we hope to say something along the lines of “daddy planted a seed in Mummy’s tummy and it grew into a baby” hoping that they wont ask the details of ‘how’ said seed was planted! Another option I have heard is to turn it back around and ask them how they think it happens, and then just agree with whatever they say 🙂 xx #sharewithme

      Reply
      1. Amy RansomAmy Ransom Post author

        It is very good for your skin, some men say. Yeah right. Hadn’t though of asking THEM the question. I shall try that for another 10 years. Thank you ;0)

        Reply
    3. Jenny

      Hahaha I cannot stop laughing this is hilarious. You are hilarious. That is something I would have said in the panic of the moment for sure. I am so glad my two are so young I have time to find out what advice you get first before I have to think about answering the birds and bees questions. Dear me. Poor you. My momma was a single momma and she told us straight and then handed us the medical encyclopedia and said all your answers are in here if you want to read it. Who wants to read a small printed encyclopedia not us so we didn’t and she was pleased and we knew she was telling us the cold truth so we really never bursted out with any of it in public to embarrass her. Although I do think we were a little older than your wee one. Sorry wish I could offer advice. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me i look forward to reading some of your responses from people! lol Fab blog btw and welcome to Let’s Talk Mommy I hope to see you again soon. #sharewithme

      Reply
    4. Judith

      Oh dear, I dread this day! Like you say, anything you tell them can and will be used against you at the most inopportune moment. My parents had a lovely book explaining the facts of life lying around in the house and I learned everything I needed to know from there. My Mum insists they had meant to have The Conversation with us in person, but we learned to read and found the book before they got round to it – I just think they fast tracked our reading education and then strategically placed it in our path to avoid having to talk about sex.

      Reply
      1. Amy RansomAmy Ransom Post author

        I agree. They had no intention of telling you. I guess this IS what books are for? I think when I was younger I relied a lot on Judy Blume. Remember that book with ‘Ralph’ in it? My mum actually had to write the library a letter saying I had permission to read it. Ha ha.

        Reply
    5. Wicked World of Lucas

      Sorry but I am giggling like a girl at this post. A glass of semen????? It’s the pressure – you say the most random things when under pressure. Lucas has suddenly become VERY interested in how babies are made at the mo and has some VERY bizarre ideas………. I’m copping out and left Daddy to do the Father/Son chat!!! Great post #sharewithme

      Reply
      1. Amy RansomAmy Ransom Post author

        It’s utterly dreadful isn’t it. A friend said, ‘Why didn’t you say sailor?’ Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Leave it to the dads, I say! Although I have girls so can’t really get away with that can I…? Thanks for reading and commenting.

        Reply
    6. KidGLloves

      The Mothers say – We are rolling around laughing like crazy at the moment. This is so funny but we respect your advice.
      Lucas says – But how ARE babies made?????? You haven’t answered the question!
      The Mothers say – Ask your Father!!!

      Great post #sharewithme

      Reply

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