Earlier this year, I was convinced that our ultimate happiness lay in the teeny fingers and teeny toes of number three. Recently, I haven’t been so sure.
But today, I had an epiphany of sorts. A few things fell into place and for the first time in months I think I might be a little clearer about our future. Our immediate future, at least.
The ‘will we, won’t we?’ question that has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum on my biological clock suddenly stopped ticking.
Before I go on, let me state our position. Two pretty knackered parents. An almost four year old with her own stunt repertoire and an 18 month old with kamikaze tendencies. No wonder I’m hesitant. What havoc could number three add to the already chaotic mix?
Daddy Pig has always been firmly on ‘TEAM THREE!’ whilst I hover somewhere between that and ‘TEAM ARE YOU HAVING A BLOOMIN LAUGH?’ Most days I’m on the latter.
But then I look at my friends with three who make it look so damn easy or hear about someone pregnant with their third and I feel a little wistful. Before I know it I’ve romanticised the whole darn thing and convinced myself we could do it.
The truth is, I’m not sure we could. The thought of it pretty much terrifies me. And I think if Daddy Pig had a crystal ball and could see what three actually looks like, it would terrify him too. Not only do we like our own time a little too much but we’re already a challenging bunch who some days just about survive one another. I would think we’d need to be excelling before even giving number three a thought.
Today though, I found a little clarity. Or clarity found me.
I realised that if I don’t already know the answer, this is not a question I need to be thinking about right now. Because today, now, in this moment I am actually happy with the way things are. I’m balancing work, most weeks. I’m finally writing. Beaver’s about to start school so the finances will be a little freer. And we’ve just had a lovely holiday with everyone getting a little of their own time.
There’s no reason to change that. Right now.
Of course, we may finally decide ‘YES’ only to have left it too late. Or the timing might never be right. And one day, if we don’t, I might regret not having that third. But these are risks I’m happy to take. Because you can’t make decisions based upon how you want your future to look in ten, twenty or thirty years’ time, can you? You’ve got to make them for the here and now.
Or just not make them at all. Ha ha.
I guess what I really need is a ‘TEAM THE JURY’S NOT OUT YET’ t-shirt.
Footnote: I know this is a common debate so I’d love to hear your thoughts parents-of-two and parents-of-three. Tell me, is three a crowd? Or, why is it the magic number?